Windows 10

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Dad knocks on my door: “Can you help me find Google on my computer?”.
Me: “Yeah…”.
Dad: “I can’t seem to find it after I installed Windows 10”.
Me, extremely puzzled: “YOU installed Windows 10???”.
Dad: “Yes. The computer asked me to, so I did. Maybe I shouldn’t have, now that Google is gone?”.
Me: “Just write Google in the browser…”.
Dad: “… browser? … can you help me?”.

Spider

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Me: “DAD!!!”. Standing outside my room pointing in, in utter panic: “Spider…”.

We never see you…

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Mom: “We never see you, we don’t know anything about, what’s going on in your life”. Me: “I f…ing LIVE here!?!”

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Nanosecond

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The definition of a nanosecond: The time from the washer stops to my dad knocks on my door to tell me, it’s a beautiful day to hang clothes out to dry.

Nightly bruises

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So, my dad has a chair and footrest in the middle of the kitchen floor, in front of the TV. But somehow chair and footrest always change places late in the evening. At the same time, I always get hungry late in the evening. An important note at this point: There is no light switch from “my side” of the kitchen, and I have to go to the opposite site of the kitchen to turn on the light. See where I’m going? Bruises on my shins – every time!

Legwaving

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Hysterical knocking on my door. Mom: “You have to go outside and wave with your legs. There are lots of young men driving around in old cars over on the neighbor’s field”.

How to shine up mahogany

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Hearing noises outside my room, so opens the door just to find my dad painting the mahogany moldings with a gray acrylic paint – you know, to shine things up a bit.

In case of terror

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Yet another terror attack has filled the media all day, and when I get home in the evening – just to change clothes before visiting friends – I go to the living room to say hello to my parents. Mom: “You should have some sort of surveillance in your car!”. Dad: “I can get you an AK47 – they are always useful”.

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